9 years later
by Vax
Summary: Severus Snape visits Lily's grave 9 years after the night of her death, for the first time ever.


The date was October 31st, 1990. Halloween. A group of kids were wondering in Godric's Hollow's streets, asking for candies.

One of the little kids, dressed as a vampire, approached to him and smiled.

"Do you have any candy sir?" - asked the girl.

He took his wand and, making sure the girl couldn't see him, made some candy appear in his pocket.

"Here you go" - he said  
>"Thanks a lot, Happy Halloween!" - the girl smiled to him again and went back with his friends.<p>

Severus Snape smiled too. Even if he was really sad at that time. He immediatly turned around and faced the graveyard. He opened the gate and entered.

He knew exactly the place where the grave was. It wasn't that far, yet he took a lot of time to get there. It was the first time he would ever visit the grave, he hadn't been ready before, he didn't even went to the funeral.

Inside the graveyard. Severus couldn't hear any noise from the kids and their parents, it was completely quiet.  
>He stopped. It would seem as he had stopped suddenly, as if he heard or saw something, but he hadn't. He knew where he was, he knew that if he looked down he would see the grave he had come to visit. Her grave.<p>

He stood there for 2 minutes without looking down, without moving at all. If someone had passed near him, they may have mistaken the standing man for a statue.  
>He took a deep breath, looked down and read:<p>

JAMES POTTER LILY POTTER

BORN 27 MARCH 1960 BORN 30 JANUARY 1960

DIED 31 OCTOBER 1981 DIED 31 OCTOBER 1981

They were buried togheter. For a second he felt like going out of the graveyard, he didn't expected facing that Potter at the same time he faced Lily.  
>He took another deep breath. He had come to the graveyard completely decided. He would stay.<p>

"Hi Lily" - he smirked with a little pain in his chest - "It's me, Sev"  
>He waited a long minute before he kept talking. He couldn't explain why. He just waited, as if he was waiting Lily to answer him. She didn't, of course.<br>"Sorry I didn't came here before. I jus- I just wasn't ready. I never forgot you Lily, I never could. But I was afraid, afraid that you would blame me… You have every right to, you know?" - he talked to the headstone, looking at Lily's name, centered in nothing else - "You have every right to blame me. It was my fault Lily, and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I never thought he would go after you, I never thought he would think your son was the one the prophecy talked about. I asked him to leave you alone, I asked him to spare your life."

Severus breathed and looked at the ground. He had waited long to say all that. When the Dark Lord told him that he had killed Lily, he was devastated, he felt like he could never be happy again. Maybe he wasn't. He tooked another deep breath, the autumnal air filled his lungs.

"I asked him to leave you alone. But he said you wouldn't move." - He looked again at Lily's name in the stone. - "I should have expected it. You were always brave. You always stood up for me when others made fun of me, you were always there for me. And I wasn't Lily. I wasn't and I couldn't feel any worse for it." - Severus eyes became watery. He didn't want to talk anymore, he felt horrible and wanted to leave, but he couldn't stop, not now.

"I talked to Dumbledore. He said it was a great deal you didn't move. He said it was important that you didn't let your kid die to save yourself. He said that way you gave protection to the kid. The protection only true love can give…" - his voice cracked - "I- I wish I could have given you that protection. I wish I was there to jump infront of you as you did for the boy, and I wish I had saved your life, even if it meant losing mine."

That was the time to say it. Now or never, he thought.

"I loved you Lily. I still love you."

He remained silent, again as if waiting for Lily to answer back to him. Waiting for Lily's voice to ring in his ears, telling him she loved him back. But that didn't happened.

"I only loved you. From day one. From that time when I first talked to you and told you you were a witch. Do you remember? You thought I was insulting you. I would never insult you Lily, I love you, I always have"

"Dumbledore told me he thought you knew. I don't know what to think Lily. If you knew, why didn't you ever told me anything? Unless you didn't loved me back and didn't want to hurt me. But it wouldn't have mattered Lily. I would still love you. I still loved you when you started dating that Potter. And even after you married him. And I will always love you and no one else Lily. I won't even love no one else."

He started to cry. He couldn't help it anymore. He had waited for years to tell her that. And now she wasn't even listening, she couldn't listen to him and that broke his heart.

Why did he waited so long? Why didn't he told her before? Why did he let her die?  
>Severus Snape often asked himself this questions, he would wake up startled and sweaty after having nightmares about Lily dying, about Lily blaming her dead on him, about Lily hating him forever.<p>

Severus sat facing the ground and cried. He cried for a whole hour, but for him it seemed like ages. At one pointed he stopped crying. He looked up to Lily's grave one more time and smiled.

Amazingly, while he was crying, he remembered something that made him want to laugh in joy.

He stood up and flicked his wand, and a bouquet of liles appeared above the grave.  
>He smiled to it one more time and whispered "I love you". He then moved his wand one more time saying "Expecto Patronum"<p>

A silver doe appeared in the graveyard, galloped a couple times around Lily's headstone and then stood next to Severus. He smiled at the doe and started walking out of the graveyard.

The doe followed him until they reached the gate.

Severus Snape had remember the happiest memory of all. He remember that first and only time, when Lily had kissed him in the cheek durning the Yule Ball.


End file.
